Dear Pop & Circumstance,
I need some guidance. My sweetheart and I had been quarreling for quite some time about where to take our yearly vacation. For the sake of harmony, I agreed to go snowshoeing in the mountains, despite my aversion to both cold weather and yetis. I was beginning to loosen up and enjoy myself when I tripped over a wild manul and threw out my back. I was taken to the local hospital, where, quite loopy from the pain medication, I told a doozy of an off-color joke to the chaplain. I am at a loss at how to properly apologize; what kind of flowers are appropriate in this situation?
-Hapless in Halifax
Dear Hapless,
I was furiously typing out a response to your letter when it dawned on me that today's popcast contains all the world's best advice in one easy-to-digest sound file. Turn up your speakers and take heed! (NB: You might consider a nice arrangement of Queen Anne's lace, hellebores, and ranunculus.)
-Gina Zee
2. Kill Yr Boyfriend: Bis
3. Telephone Call from Istanbul: Tom Waits
4. Do You Understand RMX: Chicks on Speed
5. Don't Drink Poison: Le Tigre
6. Magic 8 Ball: Cub
7. A Sister's Social Agony: Camera Obscura
8. Encouragement: Rafter
9. Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Demo): Michael Jackson
10. Pump It Up: Elvis Costello
11. Stand By Your Man: Marlene Webber
12. Coconut: Harry Nilsson
13. Get Up Offa That Thing: James Brown
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Bravo, bravo Gina Zee. Your advice to Hapless is fantastic. In fact, if I were to decipher your popcast code of wisdom it would read something like, “Don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys, kill yr boyfriend, stand by your man and most importantly: don’t stop till you get enough.” I mean, OBVIOUSLY. Bravo.
-Dr. Marnie
ps: everyone needs to google ‘manul’ asap.
pps: this version of Stand By Your Man is da bizzomb.
Thanks, D.Marn! I am glad you found this to be helpful. However, this popcast is now facing a recall due to contradictory advice: Stand by your man versus kill your boyfriend. Dance til you feel better versus stand in the place where you are. Don’t drink poison versus put the lime in the coconut and drink ‘em both together (limes and coconuts are common allergens in Norway).
P&C Enterprises, LLC assumes no responsibility for injury or loss of life resulting from this popcast.
What a gorgeous arrangement that would make! Go the Ranunculi!
Indeed, tomatohead! Nothing says, “I’m sorry for offending your delicate sensibilities” like that combination.